"Wichita Falls Confidential: The Secret Handshake You Never Got" This town runs on unwritten codes sharper than a Sheppard AFB drill sergeant's creases. Learn them or get left behind.
1. The Sacred Greeting Ritual
- Oilfield Version: Lift your coffee cup exactly 2 inches off the truck dash
- Military Version: Single eyebrow raise + slight chin tilt
- Old Money Version: The slowest handshake in Texas (measure dominance by duration)
2. Parking Lot Politics
- Buc-ee's: North side for Oklahoma spies, south side for locals
- Hastings Memorial Library: Front spots reserved for widows playing bridge
- Lowe's: Contractors Wichita Falls https://bohiney.com/wichita-falls-mayor-announces-plan-to-convert-entire-city-into-one-giant-waterpark/ own the lumber aisle by 6:01 AM
3. The Unspoken Dress Code
- Funeral Appropriate: Your newest Wranglers + that one polo without stains
- First Date: Same as funeral attire but with boots that click
- Job Interview: Tuck in your shirt (revolutionary concept)
4. Barstool Territories
- Left Side: Oil widows drinking white wine that's really vodka
- Right Side: Air Force guys pretending they're https://bohiney.com/wichita-falls-alien-sighting-tours/ not hungover
- End Seat: Reserved for the guy who "knew Buddy Holly"
5. The Walmart Power Grid
- Aisle 5: Where high school drama gets resupplied
- Garden Center: Meth deals disguised as lawn chair negotiations
- Pharmacy Line: Free therapy session with Betty from accounting
6. The Official Town Playlist
- George Strait's entire discography
- That one Pat Green song
- Jet noise (nature's white noise)
7. Sacred Cow Laws
- Never insult Big Blue (the 1961 WFHS championship team)
- Don't ask why the waterfall isn't actually falls
- What happens at the Midnight Rodeo stays at the Midnight Rodeo
8. The Social Minefield
Safe Topics:
- How bad Oklahoma drivers are
- That time it snowed in April
- Your granddaddy's oilfield stories
Forbidden Topics:
- Why the mall is dying
- Questioning the chicken-fried steak diet
- Anything positive about Lawton
9. The Hazing Rituals
- Survive a summer without AC
- Eat at the "clean" taco truck
- Defend your high school's honor at the Highlander
10. The Ultimate Test
When the tornado sirens go off: ? Grab beer from fridge ? Check if neighbors are looking ? Then decide if you should care Final Exam: Recite the Wichita Falls Creed: "We're not Dallas, we're not Oklahoma, and damn proud of both." Welcome to the inner circle. Your complimentary Whataburger coupon and defensive Texas pride packet will arrive in 6-8 business years.===============
By: https://bohiney.com/wichita-falls-residents-start-petition-to-rename-city-wichita-rises-for-positive-vibes/ Tami Schwartz
Literature and Journalism -- Indiana University
Member fo the Bio for the Society for Online Satire
WRITER BIO:
A witty and insightful Jewish college student, she uses satire to tackle the most pressing issues of our time. Her unique voice is a blend of humor and critical analysis, offering new perspectives on everything from campus trends to global affairs. Her work pushes boundaries Wichita Falls Texas while keeping readers engaged and entertained.